Le style parental

Avertissement: N’importe quelle approche concernant la discipline ou l’éducation reflète un système de valeur et des principes bien spécifiques concernant les relations parents-enfants. Par exemple le seul fait de vouloir promouvoir l’obéissance et la soumission d’un enfant peut être questionnable. De même l’idée de vouloir éduquer un enfant n’est pas sans poser de problèmes. Par exemple, peut-on éduquer sans endoctriner?

J’ai essayé ici d’être le plus neutre possible. C’est ensuite à chacun selon ses valeurs d’utiliser les informations présentées ici pour évaluer au mieux les avantages et les risques de ses comportements ainsi que les avantages et les risques des alternatives existantes.

Styleparental

Les 4 styles parentaux

StylesLes chercheurs distinguent principalement deux dimensions : l’écoute face aux besoins émotionnels de l’enfant, et l’exigence quant au respect des règles. Cela les conduit à caractériser quatre styles parentaux1,2:

  • Le style parental démocratique (ou directif). Il est très à l’écoute des émotions et des besoins de l’enfant mais il est très strict quant au respect des règles. Il encourage aussi les enfants à être responsable, à penser par eux-mêmes et à considérer les raisons des règles existantes.
  • Le style parental autoritaire. Il est peu à l’écoute des besoins de l’enfant mais il est très strict quant au respect des règles. Il privilégie l’obéissance absolue et la punition ou la menace pour contrôler l’enfant.
  • Le style parental permissif (ou indulgent). Il est très à l’écoute des besoins de l’enfant mais très peu strict voir laxiste. Autrement dit, les parents sont peu enclins à faire respecter les règles.
  • Le style parental désengagé. Il n’est ni à l’écoute des besoins de l’enfant, ni strict quant au respect des règles. Il n’offre que peu de soutien émotionnel et ne fixe pas de limites.

Leurs conséquences

  • Globalement, les enfants ayant été exposés à un style parental démocratique ont moins de problèmes comportementaux, s’intègrent mieux socialement et ont de meilleures performances scolaires. Ce style parental est celui associé aux conséquences les plus positives dans la très grande majorité des études sur le sujet17,18.

En savoir plus:

Les enfants exposés à un style démocratique sont moins susceptibles de délinquance juvénile, de consommer des drogues et de l’alcool, ou de montrer des comportements antisociaux8–12. Ce style permet aussi de prévenir les problèmes d’agressivité et de conflit chez les enfants d’âge préscolaire13,14. En effet, les enfants exposés à ce style sont considérés plus sociaux, plus gentils et plus populaires par leurs enseignants et leurs camarades15. Ils ont aussi plus tendance à dire qu’ils écouteraient l’avis de leurs parents s’il faisait face à un problème moral comparé à ceux exposés aux autres styles parentaux16.
Une des caractéristiques du style parental démocratique est qu’il est sensible et réceptif aux besoins de l’enfant. Cette approche est connue pour favoriser un attachement sécure19, ce qui favorise en retour de bonnes capacités à réguler ses émotions20–22, à être plus social et empathique22 et à être globalement moins stressé23,24. Ainsi, les enfants exposés à des parents réceptifs et chaleureux, sont moins susceptibles de développer des troubles du comportement25–29 et ont souvent de meilleures performances académiques30–35.
Une réceptivité aux besoins de l’enfant peut aussi favoriser d’autre comportements bénéfiques comme le fait de parler avec eux de leurs pensées et de leurs émotions, ce qui a été corrélé à de meilleures compétences sociales19,36–39
.
Ce type de « coaching émotionnel »29,40,41 lors duquel l’état émotionnel de l’enfant est reconnu, accepté, verbalisé et pris au sérieux aide l’enfant à se calmer et à être moins agressif et provocateur42–44 et a aussi été corrélé à de meilleures compétences sociales19,36–39.
Le fait d’éviter de réprimander les enfants pour leurs erreurs intellectuelles semble aussi les rendre plus résilients face aux problèmes qu’ils rencontrent et plus susceptibles d’apprendre de leurs erreurs45–47.

Enfin, une autre caractéristique du style démocratique est le fait d’expliquer les raisons des règles existantes. Ce type de pratique appelé aussi « discipline inductive » semble aider les enfants à se montrer plus empathiques, consciencieux et sociaux13,48–51. Elle a aussi été liée à de meilleurs capacités de raisonnement sur les sujets moraux49,52.

 
  • Globalement, les enfants ayant été exposés à un style parental autoritaire ont plus de chance d’être agressifs et provocateurs. Ils ont aussi plus de chance de souffrir d‘anxiété, de dépression ou de faible estime de soi.

En savoir plus:

A un niveau comportemental, les enfants européens exposés à des styles parentaux autoritaires avaient plus de chance d’abuser de l’alcool à l’adolescence53,54. Un travail récent analysant plus de 1400 études scientifiques publiées sur le sujet, montre clairement qu’un contrôle sévère de l’enfant via des punitions physiques ou verbales ou via un contrôle psychologique (culpabiliser, humilier ou faire du chantage affectif) était le principal prédicteur de développement de comportementaux agressifs, provocateurs ou impulsifs sur le long terme18.
Globalement, le style autoritaire est souvent corrélé à de faibles performances scolaires9,55,56. L'argument selon lequel ce serait les faibles performances scolaires qui font opter les parents pour un style autoritaire a été discrédité par une expérience critique sur le sujet. Dans cette expérience, la critique personnelle à la suite d’une mauvaise performance (une tactique souvent employés par les parents autoritaires) diminuait les capacités de l’enfant à résoudre les problèmes suivants45. D’autres expériences ont par ailleurs démontrés que l’on apprend mieux à la suite de feedbacks positifs que négatifs46,47, notamment si ceux-ci sont dirigés sur le processus plutôt que sur la personne, par exemple  en disant « tu as très bien étudié ! » plutôt que « tu es très doué ! »45,57.
A un niveau plus social, quelque soit les pays étudiés (US, Chine, Chypre, Turquie, Amérique du sud, Espagne, Pays-Bas….), ces enfants semblent moins doués socialement, ils sont moins bien acceptés et appréciés par leurs camarades, et ils ont plus de chances d’être impliqués dans des conflits aussi bien en tant qu’agresseurs que victimes8,9,15,58–65.
A un niveau plus émotionnel, ce style parental semble augmenter les chances de souffrir de trouble psychiatriques66, émotionnels67,68, anxieux69, dépressifs70–75 et d’estime de soi76,77.
 
  • Globalement, les enfants ayant été exposés à un style parental permissif sont moins susceptibles d’avoir des problèmes comportementaux ou émotionnels. Ils ont cependant plus de problèmes que les enfants exposés au style démocratique et ont de plus faibles performances scolaires.

En savoir plus:

Etant donné les résultats contradictoires concernant les liens entre le style permissif et certains troubles du comportement, ceux-ci doivent être interprétés avec prudence18. Ce style semble avoir moins d’effets négatifs que le style autoritaire mais moins d’effets positifs que celui démocratique. En effet, plusieurs études sur des enfants ou des adolescents avec des parents permissifs montrent qu'ils ont une excellente estime d’eux-mêmes, un plus grand bien-être et moins de symptômes dépressifs que les enfants exposés à des styles désengagés ou autoritaires8,74,78. Toutefois, d’autres études montrent une relation entre le style permissif et de plus faibles capacités d’autorégulation tels que la capacité à se concentrer ou à contrôler ses émotions79, de plus hauts niveaux d’agressivité80,81, de consommation d’alcool8,82,83, de problèmes scolaires8 et d’obésité84.
Ces résultats contradictoires pourraient s’expliquer de plusieurs manières. Alors d’un côté, une des caractéristiques du style parental permissif est qu’il est sensible et réceptif aux besoins de l’enfant. Cette approche est connue pour favoriser un attachement sécure19, ce qui favorise en retour les capacités de l’enfant à réguler ses émotions20–22, à être plus social et empathique22, à être globalement moins stressé23,24. Ainsi, les enfants exposés à des parents réceptifs et chaleureux, sont moins susceptibles de développer des troubles du comportement25–29 et ont de meilleures performances académiques30–35. Une réceptivité aux besoins de l’enfant peut aussi favoriser d’autre comportements bénéfiques comme le fait de parler avec eux de leurs pensées et de leurs émotions, ce qui a été corrélé à de meilleures compétences sociales19,36–39. Ce « coaching émotionnel »29,40,41, lors duquel les émotions de l’enfant sont reconnues, acceptées, verbalisées et prises au sérieux, aide l’enfant à se calmer et à être moins agressif et provocateur42–44. Un autre comportement bénéfique est le fait d’éviter de réprimander les enfants pour leurs erreurs intellectuelles, ce qui les rend plus résilient face aux problèmes qu’ils rencontrent et plus susceptibles d’apprendre de leurs erreurs45–47.
Toutefois ce qui caractérise le style permissif, c’est aussi le laxisme. Alors, même si d’un côté, certaines études suggèrent qu’encourager les enfants à être indépendant favorise leur autonomie, leur capacité à résoudre des problèmes et globalement une meilleure santé mentale8,12,45,74,78,85 ; d’autres études soulignent que les enfants exposés au style permissif avaient plus de chances de regarder plus de 4 heures de télévision par jour86,87, ce qui a des effets négatifs sur le développement intellectuel88–91, les résultats scolaires91–93, le langage94–98, l’attention91,99, l’agressivité100–109, l’image de soi et les comportements alimentaires110–119, l’obésité120–138 et les risques cardio-vasculaires86,139–141, et l’apparition de conduites sanitaires à risque tel que le tabagisme142–148, l’alcoolisme149–156, une sexualité biaisée, précoce ou non protégée157–164, et enfin le manque de sommeil165–171. Et en effet, le laxisme parental est parfois aussi corrélé à des carences en sommeil172. Il est à noter ici qu’un manque même léger de sommeil peut avoir des conséquences négatives importantes sur la santé physique173–185 et mentale180,186–193.

 

  • Globalement, les enfants ayant été exposés à un style parental désengagé présentent les pires résultats aussi bien du point de vue comportemental qu’émotionnel. La plupart des délinquants juvéniles ont été exposés à ce style parental17.

Que se passe-t-il si les deux parents n’ont pas le même style?

Une étude réalisée dans un lycée américain s’est intéressée à l’effet de la cohérence entre les styles éducatifs des parents. Dans cette étude, avoir au moins un des parents adoptant un style démocratique avait un effet positif même si l’autre adoptait un style permissif ou autoritaire194. Autrement dit avoir un des parents adoptant un style démocratique était plus bénéfique que d’avoir deux parents adoptant ensemble un autre style.

Que se passe-t-il si l’environnement social n’a pas le même style éducatif que celui des parents ?

Concernant le style autoritaire, plusieurs études sur des adolescents américains et au Moyen-Orient n’ont pas trouvé certaines des conséquences émotionnelles négatives de ce style8,195–197. De même, dans les milieux socioéconomiques moins favorisés, la différence entre les effets du style parental autoritaire et du style démocratique semble être atténuée198,199, voir même parfois inversée. Ainsi, si le style autoritaire aboutissait à de plus faible performances scolaires à Pékin61 et à Taiwan201, il aboutissait à de meilleures performances chez les chinois à Hong Kong200 et les chinois ayant immigré en Amérique du Nord202.

La culture environnante pourrait expliquer ces inconsistances. Certains chercheurs suggèrent que si l’enfant perçoit l’autorité comme étant la norme, il peut moins en souffrir196. La pression sociale provenant des camarades de classe pourrait aussi annuler les effets du style parental. En effet, certains groupes de camarades peuvent encourager la réussite scolaire et d’autre la diminuer. Par exemple, une étude américaine montrait que les étudiants asiatiques avaient des camarades encourageant la réussite scolaire et ils s’en sortaient en effet très bien même avec des parents autoritaires9. A l’inverse, dans cette même étude, des étudiants afro-américains tendaient à avoir des camarades rejetant les bons élèves. Ces enfants avaient alors de moins bon résultats même avec des parents éduqués, adoptant un style démocratique9.

Références

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2             Maccoby, E. E. and Martin, J. A. (1983) ‘Socialization in the context of the family: Parent-child interaction’, in Hetherington, E. M. (ed.), Handbook of child psychology: Vol. 4: Socialization, personality and social development, Chichester, New York, Wiley.

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Date de dernière mise à jour : 20/10/2019